Wednesday, July 29, 2009

My Kids are nuts...and funny....and wonderful

So, I was bored and looking through some of the things I've plurked about my kids over the past year. I was ROTFLMAO so I decided to share some of those things with you. When these started, the kids were 8, 6, and 3. They're now 9, 8, and 4.

-Andrew just came to me and started a sentence with "when I'm an adult and if you're still alive...." jeez kid....thanks…

- While watching the Simpsons movie with the kids, and Alex asks "what's Otto blowing bubbles into?" I told him it was just a funny shaped glass…I think age 6 is just too young for me to explain a bong…

-I think it's funny that every time the oven timer goes off, Hannah says "Mommy, the oven's calling your name".

-I just asked Andrew where he left something. He said "it's in my room, you know, where the walls are..." OMG kid, that does not help.

-Alex keeps singing "saying be careful means I love you", I replied "nope, it means I don't want to have to take your butt to the hospital". Hey, it got him to stop

-I just asked Andrew what planet he was from, because he's acting goofy. His reply: "I haven't figured that out yet, I'll let you know"

-I need to work with Hannah (3 y/o) on her pronunciation of the word 'Bear'. It sounded like she said "I love my big beer. He's good beer. I love beer".

-Alex just told Andrew "Everything you do makes me MAD!" Then Hannah ran back to them and told them "stop fighting and clean your room NOW!!” Well…her being Little Miss Bossy made my life easier….at least in that incident.

-I just told Andrew "well, then quit putting Gorillas in your shirt"...It’s just one of those sentences that one never thinks they’ll need to say.

-Alex just asked me if the Wizard of Oz was a new movie when I was a kid, OMG kid!! I got a piece of paper out and showed him the math. Wizard of Oz was released in 1939, Mommy was born in 1982. *Sigh*

-Hannah is walking around the house repeating "fuzzy wuzzy had no hair" over and over again. I fear for her stuffed bears.

--Word of Caution: When engaging in roughhousing with children, make sure nobody is holding an etch-a-sketch... fucking oww…

--Hannah just climbed in to her father’s lap for a snuggle and said "I love you…Monkey Licker!”

- hehehe…I know I'm raising my kids right because Andrew just said "I wish I had a Tardis" Alex agreed. A few nights ago, the 8 y/o told DH "The Tardis could kick the Millennium Falcon's big old butt!" Geek kids are great.

- A conversation I had with Alex: "Mommy, you should run away." "I would love to, but I can't." "why not?" "Because you kids drove me so insane that I now want to stay"..lmao

- I think there is nothing funnier than watching a 3 y/o running down the hallway trying to run & pick a wedgie at the same time.

- Hannah thinks it's the funniest thing in the world to run up to me, fart, and run away laughing. It doesn't help that as she runs away, I laugh…

- WTF? the 8 y/o just smelled the wall. when he saw me giving him the WTF look, he just said 'What?' like I'm the crazy one. At least he didn’t lick it and say "the schnazberries taste like schnazberries"…though that would be

- 3 y/o just brought me one of her purses. I found the contents funny: 1 knit cotton baby sock,1 foam block,1 empty altoid tin & 1 barbie head.

--the 3 y/o came up to me and said "do you want to know a secret?" I said "sure." She climbed up into my lap, got close to my ear and said... "this is the secret" and then she licked my cheek.

- DD just said "I'm a doggy...woof woof...I eat birdies...MEOW..."

- the 3 y/o just said to me "I get cranky when I'm sleepy....and it's ALL YOUR FAULT!! Mommy, can I have some candy?"

--I mentioned to the 9 y/o that I had a slight nose bleed earlier today, and what does he do? He says "HA HA" (in his best Nelson voice)

- the 9 y/o was playing outside and I saw him poking the ground with a big stick. I asked him what he was doing and he replied "hm...good question, Mom" and then he turned back and kept doing it

- if I only had 1/4 of the amount of energy that the 3 y/o has, my house would be spotless in 2 minutes. she's running in circles around the living room, laughing hysterically the whole time, every few minutes she stops and drops her pants, pulls them back up and starts running again.

- my kids were asking me how big my cousin's new baby is, So I pulled out my measuring tape and was showing them. The 3 y/o said " that's as big as my head". So, I wrapped it around her head and she was right!

- I told DD that the apple she's eating looks yummy, and she put in her shirt and scowled at me "It's for me...not YOU!"

- 7 y/o asked for another cookie, I said no. 7 y/o said "you just don't want me to be happy." Kid, nice try on the guilt trip, it didn't work.

- I should know by now to not trust the 3 y/o when she says she has a surprise for me. The last 'surprise' she gave me (just a few minutes ago) was to sit on my lap and fart.

- I was dancing while sweeping and the 3 y/o gives me a 'WTF?' look and said "don't be a dork, Mommy."

--OMG...DH bought a new leaf blower and was telling the boys how it works, and the 7 y/o says "I want to feel the air.BLOW ME, BLOW ME!"

- the 3 y/o just got mad at the 7 y/o and said to him "you're a HUGE piece of cat poop!!!"

- 9y/o was getting a cup of juice,& he finished what was in the bottle. He started yelling "MOOoooOOM! We're out of juice!" Then the 3y/o looked at him and says "chill, big butt, there's more in the cabinet"..

- a conversation just overheard between the 9 y/o & 7 y/o: 9y/o- "If you don't stop that you're going to drive mommy crazy." 7 y/o replied "maybe I *like* driving Mommy crazy"

- DD is pissed at oldest DS because he wont let her put a belt on him and lead him around like a puppy. She just looked at me and said "I'm getting tired of his stuff"...LMAO

- I said 'eat shit and die' to my computer, and the 3 y/o heard that and said " poop....ON A STICK!"

- DD is sitting next to me eating some raisins. I asked her "Good Raisins?" she shook her head no and kept eating. I then asked her "do you like eating raisins?" and she shook her head no. I just asked her "are you eating raisins?" and she said "no...I'm trapping them".

--I was just lightly whacking the 9y/o on the leg with a pillow. 3 y/o sees this and yells "MOMMY! NO! Stop! You might hurt my pillow!"

- out of nowhere, the 7 year old just stopped playing, said "I like farts" and then went back to playing.

- HAHA...DD was repeating every single word I was saying, so I looked at her and said "antidisestablishmentarianism". She tilted her head and she said "you're a booger" and she ran off to play.

- I was joking around with DS & I purposefully said "I didn't do nothing!" DD(4y/o) looked at me and said "anything. you didn't do anything"...

- my overly dramatic 4 year old told me she is going to STARVE to DEATH if she doesn't get a cookie NOW. I laughed & here I still sit. she's standing right beside me whining/fake crying "pleeeeeeeeeeaaaaaase? I LOVE you! Mommy....I NEED a cookie..." I’m thinking ‘yeah, well, honey, Mommy needs booze....’

-I love the way my 4 yr old's mind works. she was just looking at a pic of the little mermaid and she asks me "where does Aerial's pee come out? Does she pee inside her tail?"

- my 9 y/o was goofing off, so I looked at him and said "you're weird". He replies "I know. I like it that way"

- I didn't hear the whole conversation, but my 4 yr old just told my 9 yr old "I'm going to go buy a dog and make him pee on you!!!"

- 4 yr old is making a big pile of shoes. I asked her what she's doing, she says "oh, I'm just being weird." and went back to her pile.

Thursday, July 16, 2009

Crazy Neighbor story time!

I know this is supposed to be a knitting blog, but I haven't been knitting much lately. I couldn't let this blog just sit here doing nothing, so I decided to share a childhood memory.

I was five when we moved into the house on Amana Ct. We soon learned that our next door neighbor, Jaralyn, was bat-shit crazy. She had a HUGE crush on my Dad. She would make up excuses to talk to him, She flirted with him shamelessly. The whole neighborhood thought it was hilarious. My Mom used to try to rescue my Dad whenever she noticed Jaralyn trying to corner my Dad while he was out doing yard work. Jaralyn would just give my Mom dirty looks and the cold shoulder before muttering obscenities under her breath and slinking back into her house to play with her dogs.

Oh, god! I felt horrible for her dogs. I'm not sure exactly how many she had, but it was at least 4. Jaralyn treated them like babies. Literally. She would constantly have one of them swaddled in her arms, talking to it. I remember seeing her try to feed a few of them from baby bottles. When she put the dogs outside (in her fenced in yard), she would put them in playpens. Not fenced in dog runs, but honest to goodness playpens meant for human infants. She also always had at least one of her dogs on her lap while driving.

All the neighborhood kids were scared of Jaralyn. She would scream at us from her front door whenever we would walk past her house on the sidewalk. She was also one of those people who left her Christmas lights up on her house and outside trees year-round. One Summer, my friends and I made a game of sneaking into her yard and unscrewing and stealing the colored bulbs from her strands of Christmas lights in her trees. I never did get caught.

Okay, so maybe Jaralyn wasn't completely bat-shit crazy, but she definitely wasn't all there. She certainly made our life on Amana Ct. a little bit more interesting, though. I don't know what happened to Jaralyn, but I do wonder about her every now and then. She was still there when we moved away, but she wasn't still on Amana Ct. a few years later when we moved back.